Well, she’s not the Speaker of the House anymore, but as the first woman to hold it, she’ll always be Madam Speaker to me.

This morning when faced with the choice of visiting the Museum of the African Diaspora in honor of Martin Luther King Day, or going to see a movie with some friends, Jared chose the latter. Go figure.

So it was just Ethan, Matthew and I for a trip into the city. We had to keep it short so we’d be back when Jared got home.

The Museum (http://www.moadsf.org) turned out to be thought-provoking for Ethan, but not targeted for Matthew’s age. After our short visit there, which was free to the public today along with several other museums in the area, we made our way back to the 5th & Mission Garage by walking through Yerba Buena Gardens. There was a speech going on and a huge crowd of people. Of course Ethan had to see what was going on, so he snuck through the crowd, Matthew and I doing our best to follow.

Next thing I know we are standing 25 ft in front of the stage with an audience of 100 seated in chairs behind us. Oops! We sit down on the grass quickly!

The speech is fantastic. The speaker is a man who worked beside Martin Luther King as a student, holding one of Dr King’s personal notebooks, talking about freedom for all — including Lesbians and Gays (knows his crowd!). (I find out later he is the Rev. Dr. Amos C. Brown, a former student of Dr. King and national board member and president of the San Francisco Chapter of the NAACP, and he was honored for a lifetime of service to the civil rights movement.)  Matthew is trying to fall asleep on me, but Ethan and I are entranced, clapping and hollering. Ethan even gave him a standing ovation with everyone else at the end. (I was still holding Matthew.)

Wait – is that Nancy Pelosi on the stage???

So once I told Ethan that, then we had to wait until the speeches were over and see if we could shake hands with Congresswoman Pelosi. Matthew and I didn’t make it over, but of course I’m sure it’s no surprise to anyone that Ethan did.

Now he wants to be a politician. Again. I told him I hope he follows in Martin Luther King’s footsteps – a “community organizer” (just like Uncle Daniel!), a crusader for rights. I warned him that he can’t get rich as a politician unless he gives in to corruption. He said – “Sure, I can mom. What about the speaking engagements? The book deals?”

Ethan’s first Intersession began this week. 3 weeks off in October! Woohoo! We planned a trip to experience the 4th grade mission curriculum live and in person. (Made more palatable to Ethan by capping it off with a trip to Disneyland with Zoe’s leftover Park Hopper passes – thanks Zoe!)

Grandma Penny and Grandpa Jim were ready to get Matthew and Jared to school and all activities while Ethan and I were traveling. It turned out they didn’t have to stay longer than one day when Glen was reprieved by Marketo early while he waits to start his new gig at Adchemy, so he had the whole week off!

What a way to see California!

We started at San Juan Bautista and worked our way south seeing 15 missions over 4 days (prudently skipping Carmel due to what was sure to be horrific traffic. We can hit it on a nice family overnight some other time.)

The missions are spaced at what was meant to be about a day’s ride apart along what was then Juan Bautista de Anza’s El Camino road and is now (mostly) 101. (Look for the bells marking it up and down California including in San Mateo. Amazingly he made his expedition in 1775-76 – the same year the east coast was trying to sign a Declaration of Independence!) Today that’s about a 50 minute drive on average between missions. What beautiful scenery – farmland, mountains, ocean, lakes, creeks, deer, quail, bunnies, hummingbirds, swallows.

Some missions are state parks, some are active parishes. Some are in pristine condition, re-built or preserved. Nuestra Senora de Soledad is mostly ruins surrounded by farmland. Capistrano is both a ruin, calling the remains from the church that collapsed in the 1812 earthquake the “Acropolis of America,” and the most beautifully preserved mission – truly the “Jewel of the Missions.” (Its chapel is the only church left standing that was graced by the presence of Blessed J Serra.)

The missions’ heyday lasted only about 50 years. The first mission, San Diego de Alcala, was founded in 1771 but they weren’t really up and functioning as the communes that the Franciscans envisioned until about 1780 (I think it was San Luis Rey de Francia that had 50,000 combined sheep and cattle!). The Spanish stopped funding them in the 1830′s and then secularized the land. Or maybe Mexico secularized the land after their revolution? It’s still unclear to me!

Why, you may ask, do we study the missions if they were such a short part of California’s history, when the American Indians displaced by them were here for thousands of years living in harmony with the land? Surprisingly, the missions are a fantastic jumping off place to study most of California’s history pre-gold rush 1849. Yes, the California Indians were here for thousands of years, but they weren’t exactly keeping a written history that we can read today. Every single mission, to their credit, had information about the Indians who lived on the mission land before the Franciscans and Spaniards came. Photographs, murals, artifacts including the hand-woven baskets (the best in the world – they could hold water and were used for everything including cooking), arrowheads, mortar and pestles and lots of information about way of life pre-mission like diet details.

Santa Barbara’s mission had an interesting essay entitled, “Free or Slave” about the legal status of the people who did all the work. The essay asserts that American Indians were granted the equivalent of the legal status of children in Spain at the time, and were therefore neither. Ethan thought that was hogwash since they never had the option of “growing up” under this system. Most of the information was not as patriarchal as the legacy of the missions. (i.e. the missions renamed the Indians based on the name of the saint the mission was named for, instead of calling tribes the names they’d given themselves. And most offensive to me were the statues of Junipero Serra with young Indian boys in truly questionable poses).

One of the missions, was it San Fernando Rey de Espana?, had a room dedicated to “14 Flags of California” which is a great story/curriculum about the legal status of California from the 1500′s to the date of statehood in 1850.

We weren’t the only ones with this great idea to tour missions. We ran into a dad and his son ETHAN, age 9 and in 4th grade, at San Buenaventura on Monday a.m. and then again at our next stop San Fernando Rey. They were doing the same thing! The Ethans enjoyed each other’s company and so did Vincent and I as we hit the rest of the missions. Too bad they postponed their Disneyland trip from Wednesday, although we wish them better weather than we had.

Anyway, this is a great way for families with kids age 7 and older to tour California. If you take your time and limit yourself to 2 or 3 per day you can also take time to enjoy so much of the magic California has to offer: hiking, beach excursions, Solvang’s Little Denmark and wine coutry, San Luis Obispo’s college community, Legoland, Disneyland, L.A….. the list is too long.

Ethan and I had a great time! And we learned a lot too!

Pictures coming soon!

On the one hand the boys are pretty healthy.

At some point in the spring I realized that Ethan had been sniffling and sneezing non-stop for a year.

Allergies. Guess the breast milk didn’t work after all. *sigh*

On top of that, ever since he threw up on a plane on the way to Jessica’s bar mitzvah in May(?) 2008, he’s had trouble with his ear plugging up when we go around corners or up and down hills in the car. Middle ear fluid? His pediatrician showed no interest in this. But it was driving Ethan CRAZY. I gave him benadryl for it when we would go on long car trips or get on an air plane which helped. But anyway, the middle ear fluid can also be caused by allergies.

So finally I find an allergist. After a couple visits to the wonderful Dr. Machtinger, (really I just like to say his name with a german accent) we discover that Ethan is strongly allergic to dust mites and slightly allergic to cats.

Well, maybe the breast milk did work. Glen’s allergic to cats and pollen and grass.

So we got Ethan a new ionic air purifier thingie, vacuumed, vacuumed, vacuumed, (which actually doesn’t help that much apparently so I’m not sure why I’m doing it) dusted, washed all linens, swapped out his pillow for one that can be washed better and will be getting rid of the carpet in there. Of course, we haven’t yet invested in the special mattress, linens, pillows, powder to kill dust mites….. Ugh. I can see the circles under his eyes and he wakes up sniffling every morning.

On top of that, there’s the root canal.

18 months ago Ethan 2 front teeth broke off halfway down when a baseball took a bad hop smack into his face. Dr Terrence Lau of San Mateo (AMAZING pediatric dentist, can not say enough good about him. The children have never experienced a moment of pain in his chair and considering what Ethan’s been through that’s saying a lot. Thanks Dympna for introducing me to him!) met us at his office after hours and, without assistance, painstakingly glued the pieces of Ethan’s teeth that his team mates had found back on. I think we were there close to 3 hours.

Then in January of this year Ethan’s mouth hit some playground equipment and the pieces broke off again. Luckily he was able to remain calm and find them in the sand before some preschooler came over and buried them. This time it was during the day so at least there was an assistant to help!

But unfortunately we discovered a few weeks ago that the nerve in one of his 2 front teeth died the 2nd time. Root canal. Not only that, but it means multiple visits to the endodontist because the tooth hasn’t finished growing yet so they’re putting some special substance into the tooth to help it grow which has to be replenished every 2 months before they seal it up once and for all. Dr Lau thinks Ethan should be able to keep his 2 front teeth for a few decades if not more, and who knows what dental cosmetic surgery will be doing then. Advancements are made every year.

Hassle. Yes. Expensive. Yes. BUT thank goodness this is the worst of the health problems in our family (knocking on wood) and that dentistry is so advanced that this can be treated fairly easily.

She makes me food

and puts me in a better mood.

She whistles to songs I like

and encourages me to ride my bike.

* * *

You’re the best

and always will be,

I love you and you love me.

I would still love you if you were in my hair.

I would never ever care

even if you were a bear.

* * *

Kneener! Kneener! Kneener!

Mom: Hey Ethan, what are your brothers doing  outside with your daddy?

Ethan, annoyed: They’re playing the most primitive game ever: … CATCH.

(Games that don’t have strategy are primitive.)

Addendum:

This reminds me of a birthday party we went to when Ethan was almost 3. All of the approximately 3 year olds were running around this rec room. Just running all over the place randomly and yelling and excited and having a ball. Ethan was running too. But he didn’t want to run randomly. He had some rules in his head he kept trying to communicate with those other excited preschoolers and to impose upon this mad rush of chaos. Not the last time he was unsuccessful in an attempt to organize his peers in an exercise beyond their interests.

Addendum 2:

The other night I checked in on Ethan while he was sleeping. He sleeps like the dead so I can mess with him while he sleeps, whispering words of encouragement or starting conversation with a sleeping person, without fear of him waking. So fun! I asked him what he was dreaming about and he mutters, “offense … defense…” Oh brother! Strategizing in his sleep!

Nana was concerned that there wasn’t enough room in the boys’ bedroom for all of their clothes. I hadn’t replaced the diaper changing table with something that would fit the larger clothes that Matthew wears now. She also felt that having a guest room in a small home was a waste of space. It doesn’t get used often enough and we don’t have enough room otherwise.

The biggest drawback was our music. The room also served as the music room where I could practice singing and the boys could play drums and sometimes work with me on rudimentary music theory. Also, the room served as our library and we would have to find a new place for all of our books.

We have moved Ethan into his own room now! We bought some bureaus for clothes in both rooms. We are slowly trying to remove the extra things in Ethan’s room to make it his own. Ethan loves having a place to put all of his sports and chess trophies. Jared and Matthew are happy with their new bureau. Matthew picks his clothes out every morning and brings them to me to dress him without being asked!

All in all, I miss my music. But I think the psychological benefits of splitting up the boys at this time are more important.

I hope Glen makes millions of dollars soon to buy a 5 bedroom with a music room/library. Then we could have a guest room AND a place for me to sing AND each boy could have his own room. Nana thinks we could afford that in Florida without millions of dollars and she said she’d do all of our laundry if we moved to Florida!

Glen likes it here though. A lot. Something about people in line at Starbucks talking processing speeds.

(You better like it here honey – I figure we need at least $2 million to buy a house the size we need – $1 million down payment on a $1.5 million house, plus a million in the bank to earn the money we’ll need for taxes and upkeep!!! And that’s not even in the neighborhoods I’d like!)

While one can expect Disneyland to be fun, I didn’t realize that my children would grow from the experience.

Ethan had never been on the big, adult roller coasters. He had never had the chance. He loved every minute of them! He not only went on the fastest roller coasters there, like California Screamin (which includes a loop de loop!) but even on Tower of Terror – 13 stories free fall! Thank goodness for Uncle Daniel who accompanied Ethan on most of these rides.

Ethan’s favorite rides: Tower of Terror, California Screamin, Indiana Jones

Jared was terrified of many of the rides. After trying the Matterhorn early on the first day, which is very jerky and has “scary sounds,” he was really nervous about getting on any but the mildest rides. Over the next 2 days he found the courage to try some rides that scared him, particularly Orange Stinger and Mulholland Madness at California Adventure Park, and actually enjoyed them! The thrill for him was not how much fun he was having on the rides like Ethan, but in how proud he was in himself that he had conquered his fear. I could see a huge change in him during that trip and in the weeks since. Conquering that fear at Disneyland gave him new confidence in himself. And it made him happier.

Jared’s Favorite Rides: Orange Stinger, Pirates of the Carribean, Peter Pan (he especially enjoyed Uncle Daniel’s commentary during this ride), Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, Gadget’s Go Coaster, Mulholland Madness, Redwood Creek Challenge Trail

Daniel also had to draw on character in this story. On the last night, as we sat lined up on the curb watching the Electric Parade, Daniel reached back to get his video camera and threw his back out. It was awful. He was in such pain and couldn’t move. On our last vacation with him, everyone in the house except Lindy threw up in the space of 48 hours. Then he had a kidney stone and Bapu had to rush him to the E.R. I hope he doesn’t decide not to visit us anymore, although I could hardly blame him! WE LOVE YOU UNCLE DANIEL!

Uncle Daniel’s Favorite Rides: ???

Aunt Lindy and I both had some favorites from childhood, including The Tiki Room, which wasn’t such a hit this time around.

Nana’s Favorite Ride: Definitely NOT the Toon Town Roller Coaster, Gadget’s Go Coaster

Aunt Lindy’s Favorite Rides: FROM AUNT LINDY: “My favorite thing about disneyland is reliving my childhood experience with molly and the lipka boys- it’s so fun to share all the things i loved so much as a child with them. Altho i’m sorry i had to miss it i’m SO happy that they got to see the electric parade – for me that counts as a ride. My other favorites are Pirates of the Carribean, the Jungle Cruise and the Tiki Room. The Tiki room appeals to me not just because it’s pseudo historical- it opened in 1963 and retains it’s 1963 cultural references- i also like the corny jokes, the family friendliness and the international flavor. I am also a big fan of Space Mountain (the inclines and declines are just right for me and it’s like an intergalactic chiropractic adjustment). It was closed this time- perhaps next time all the kids will be tall enough to accompany me!”

Note to Aunt Lindy: if we go again as soon as I’d like, they won’t be tall enough yet!!!

My Favorite Rides: Soarin’ Over California (you really felt like you were flying! I loved it!!!), Peter Pan, Orange Stinger, Storybook Land Canal Boats (we went at dusk and it was so picturesque)

Everyone’s Least Favorite Ride: The Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage (even though Lindy worked some of her Lindy magic and got all 9 of us jumped to the head of the line with no wait! How does she do it?) Ethan was like – there’s the surface of the water right there above our heads! This thing is not submerged!!!

Smile Disaster

Ethan’s smile took a hit yesterday, but was then glued back on. About 15 minuted before the end of Little League practice, a ball took a funny hop and whacked off half of his two front teeth. Literally about 50%. It looked like the outline of the ball to me. Glen described it to the children’s dentist as an “upside down smile.” (Later the dentist said to me, that was a great description although Glen may not have realized it was. I didn’t bother to tell Dr. Lau that, no, Glen thinks all of his descriptions are great. (And they are honey.)

At first it looked like just his lip was fat, but then they realized the teeth were gone. Luckily 2 of his teammates found the 2 pieces. I was away picking up Glen, but also luckily, friend and fellow CPNS board member Eleni Hulman was there and she called me on my cell and gave me the news right away. Ethan was crying and pretty scared and upset. All of the parents who were there and our fantastic Coach Barney Fahey were so caring and concerned – I really appreciated knowing Ethan had that love and support around him when I wasn’t there.

At first Glen and I thought we would wait until the next day to go see the dentist because dental is SO expensive and emergency anything is SO expensive and it all comes out of our HSA. But we looked online and decided to call Ethan’s dentist, Dr. Terrence Lau.

He is a GREAT dentist. Pediatric dentistry has come so far from when I was a kid, but Dr. Lau is really outstanding. He also charges an arm and a leg and we haven’t seen him for a year because our insurance had changed. Luckily, it recently changed back. He really makes the children feel at ease, explaining everything he is doing and using language that is accessible and safe. When he gives a shot he doesn’t let them see the needle; he just explains that he has to hold the lip so can see and sometimes it might feel like he is pinching too hard because the lip is so slippery to hold on to, so just tell him. That kind of calming technique and the movie (last night was Surf’s Up which Ethan had never seen) on the ceiling really made Ethan feel at ease.

We called Dr. Lau at 6:45 and he told us to meet him at the office – he would drive back from SF. And over the next 2 hours, with no help, he carefully and meticulously bonded Ethan’s missing pieces back onto the stubs. The medical prognosis is good, but we’re not out of the woods. If the nerves in the teeth are damaged, they could die and then Ethan will need a root canal. He put medicine directly on the teeth and also prescribed an antibiotic. He said we could still go to Disneyland next week.

Can’t Stop Smiling

Matthew is a smiler. He smiles all day long. He is always smiling! Almost all of his expressions include smiles. He has his angry look, where his mouth and eyes are smiling but he wrinkles his nose and forehead. He has his surprised look where he opens his eyes and mouth as wide as he can, but the corners of his mouth are still hinting at happy. He has his scared look, where he shakes his head slightly and hunches his shoulders and blinks his eyes, but is still smiling.

Smile though your heart is breaking – learning to smile again

4 was a hard year for Jared. His last year of preschool was really difficult and Jared somehow came to the belief that the world was against him. For a while he could find nothing to be happy about. I would ask him to name some good things that happened to him at the end of the day and he couldn’t.

That’s when I started the behavior modification. That included chocolate in the morning if he could name good things before he went to sleep at night. (Some might call that a bribe, but I call it conditioning.) It also included smile therapy. I felt like I had to teach him how to smile all over again. Opposite of Matthew, he seemed to not allow himself to smile under any circumstances. Now he knows that his smiles are a gift he can give me every day, and he showers me with the gift of his smiles first thing every morning and throughout the day.

We’re still working on the whole world-is-against-me belief, but we’ll get there.

Announced excitedly by one boy to 2 friends: “Hey, did you hear Lucas asked Ashleigh to be his girlfriend!”

2 friends: “Really?!” “No kidding!?!”

“Yeah, but she said no.”

Disbursement of trio.

And so it begins. But at least they felt comfortable discussing it directly in front of a mom!

Sometimes a project takes on a life of its own, going further in educating and providing family time than you could have expected.

Early this year we borrowed an Emeril for Kids type cookbook from the library. Ethan looked through (at my command! “you have to pick something!!!) and chose to try cooking Chicken Parmesan. It is now his signature dish!

It’s actually pretty easy to do and he can do most of it all by himself! And it scales up easily for guests. Ethan takes a lot of pride in inviting over friends and cooking for them.

One of the more detailed parts of the dish is creating a spice mix called “Baby Bam.” It uses paprika, salt, garlic powder, onion powder etc. (Baby Bam Recipe) Since we are growing parsley and thyme in our garden this year (thanks Erin Coady who gave me herbs to plant from her garden!), Ethan is harvesting those ingredients himself and we clean them and dry them together for the mix!

So if you like Chicken Parm, invite yourself over for dinner! We’d love to have you.